Strange Things start to Happen
It was sometime in the early part of 1983, after a good night smoking exceptionally good weed and having a good night with the friends whose sofa I was sleeping on, that the first of a number of strange things happened. And it’s at this stage that I can only ask you to open up your minds, and make of it what you will, because once again I can assure you it is the ‘truth’.
Naturally I can understand you might have doubts about what I believe happened due to the fact that I have admitted I was under the influence of drugs. And to be completely honest, that’s what I thought at first, and for a long time afterwards.
So now to the hard bit of how or where to start!
As I have already said, I was sleeping on my friend’s sofa, and drifting in and out of the buzz that a good weed gives you, when in my own mind I started to get very serious, and started looking back on my life what I had done, and where I was at that moment.
And I wasn’t feeling very pleased with myself, or the things I was getting involved in. I began to feel bad that my way of life was affecting other people’s lives…it was like a light suddenly going on in my brain!
I couldn’t tell you how long I lay there analysing things and trying to decide what I really wanted.
I ended up having conversations in my mind that were life changing. It started with me telling myself to get out ofLiverpooland start again. Somewhere else, anywhere else would do, but just break free and start again. Then another voice, supplying me with all the reasons why I should stay, ‘Look at the money you’re making, and look what you have got lined up, are you stupid or something? It’s all going good. Why rock the boat? And what the fuck are you doing, not shifting that smack? A couple of deals like that and you can retire.
All this was going on as if I were wide awake, and, I think I was wide awake, which makes it even more surreal! But that’s the way it was.
This resulted in what I can only describe as an argument starting, between myself and what I am going to call the devil inside me. I argued against everything. I became so disgusted with myself, and the way I had lived my life up until then, that I really wanted to change and be a decent person. I just wanted to be normal. But whoever it was that I was arguing with, just laughed and said, ‘You’re mine Peter! You’re fucking mine!’ And then it started to mimic what I was thinking, in a mocking tone. ‘Oh I’ve had enough of this life. I just want to be a decent person.’
Well I can just imagine what you are thinking, ‘He’s off his head, it was the drugs. That happens to people when they’re stoned, what would you expect?’. And as I said earlier, I can understand that. But please bear with me, and you will see the part that this night played in the next twenty six years of my life. And as yet I haven’t come to the punch line.
Shaking my head and taking a deep breath, I just lay there. I began to feel more and more determined to change. In fact I laughed back at the devil inside of me, and muttered, ‘I might be yours, but so what? You can try to destroy my soul, but I still won’t do what I don’t want to anymore. I’ve hurt enough people, and that’s it! I don’t even want forgiveness I don’t think I deserve it, so fuck you!’
In that moment I was so wide awake, and so aware, that it was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life before. I can’t explain the feelings that wrapped around my body at that moment, except to say it was a kind of warmth, a completely peaceful warm feeling.
Then another voice spoke to me, or at least that’s the only way I can describe it. All it said was, ‘you meant that didn’t you Peter?’, and I replied, ‘Yes I did.’ Then the voice seemed to be drifting away as it said, ‘You will be given your chance.’