Desperately Trying to Live the Right Kind of Life

Before continuing, I want to just tell you something.  From the time I left Liverpool, I have tried to do what I promised, and change my life, and stop living the sort of life that I had been living, and to do the right thing; and certainly not hurt people, or do anything that would ruin peoples lives, and by and large that’s exactly what I did, but, I am not saying I was ‘Peter Perfect’.  I strayed a few times, but not in a way that I harmed anyone, in fact I can pride myself on doing the right thing when I knew I had to, and put doing the right thing before personal gain, financially or otherwise.  But the one thing that I was guilty of, and which is a sin, and something that does eat away at your soul, and that is hate and vengefulness.

From the arms dealers, and that experience, right through to the experiences I had when trying to expose the corruption in the financial services, and continuing from the time Joe Vella told me I didn’t need my medication, and never had, I have hated these people, and wished every conceivable misfortune would fall upon them and their families; to the point I cursed their very existence, and dreamt continually of them being killed in car crashes-or even worse, as long as it was slow, painful, and horrific.

Now I know that’s not a Christian way to think, but I always made the excuse for the way I was thinking based on two little verses, or sayings, I had heard.

The first was: ‘The Devil triumphs when good men/women do nothing’, and I still believe that more now than ever.

The other was: ‘Being good is not enough, we should actively seek out evil and destroy it’, and yes, I still believe that as well, but the method you use too destroy evil, is not by killing people, or wishing them dead; that way you only destroy the one person, and you make yourself as they are.  You destroy evil by exposing it at every opportunity, you demand justice, and honesty, in politics, and all the institutions that run our lives, and you remain relentless in that objective.

The point of my telling you this, is also to tell you that when I first realised that I was contorting things to suit my anger and frustration, and trying to fit a square peg into a round hole to suit my own agenda, and believe it or not, the very time I realised that I was doing that, and realised that it was wrong, and that I should not even think along those lines, was after the blessing the Cannon gave me, and the first time I prayed using the decade of the rosary which he gave me that same evening.

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